Brokenhearted

I'm writing today with a broken heart and on the verge of tears.  It's a such a struggle to keep the tears at bay that my nose burns.

I found out last night that a high school classmate of mine passed away two-and-a-half years ago.

As most people do when they go off to college and start living their lives post-high school, they lose touch with their classmates.  I have kept up with some through Facebook, but not often enough...obviously, since I just heard the news.  I found out because the "other Jessica" in my class (there were only 2 Jessica's) posted on FB about the death of a classmate, and out of shock and curiosity, I asked her who it was.  When she responded, my shock could only be expressed through overwhelming tears.

Our class of '98 Homecoming Queen (30 years old) lost her battle with depression Thanksgiving 2009 leaving behind her husband and 3 small children.

I woke up Jared, told him, and just cried in his arms.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around how one of the most kind and energetic people I have ever met is no longer with us.  Its almost too much for my brain to comprehend.

Just like the majority of the adolescent age group, I was trying to find my way in high school.  I floated from group to group trying to fit in.  I wanted so badly to fit into the "popular" group.  Who doesn't? Honestly? I wanted to belong not just because they were popular, but because they were all so nice and kind, and knew what they wanted out of life.  They were great to be around, and accepted everyone.  This was the group she belonged in.

My heart breaks not only because she is gone, but also because how she left. 

Knowing her, I am sure she fought this mental disease as hard as she could.  I pray for her family, her husband, and, especially, her babies.  Even now, years later, I'm sure they need the strength that only our heavenly Father can provide.

I will always remember her adventurous heart, her humor, her humility, her strong faith, and her love for others. I wish she knew how much I admired her.  Maybe God can forward the message.

"Answer me quickly, LORD; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." Psalm 143:7-8